My true heart revealed and other thoughts

This is out of the ordinary but I figured I would share it with you anyway. The other day, we had to go to Mae Sot, which is the nearest big city located 4 hours away on a very windy road. There are not many ways to get there, you either drive a truck, motorbike (not recommended) or ride in a song tau (blue car). Riding in the song tau is... let's say interesting. It is a single cab pick up truck that have 2 benches put in the cab. They also add a roof cover with a rack. They are fairly inexpensive, but man, they pack those things out! Since it is the main means of transportation, everyone and anyone can be found on it, and like I said, they pack it out! While riding in a song tau, you sit very close to other people on the bench, and when the benches are full, people sit on the floor in the middle. The people also bring all sorts of things on with them, like chickens, huge bags of rice, etc. You name it, they bring it. Since the road is very windy, people often get car sick, while in very close proximity. The people in the middle on the floor will often hold onto to a total strangers leg for support or just straight up lean on a lap to sleep! Why all of this detail, what does this have to do with my heart? Most people that ride the song tau are poor, which means they are not very clean. I realized while riding that I really don't want anyone touching me...which is impossible! I don't want them to touch me because they are dirty or because they smell, or just because they do not look pleasing to the eye. The types of things that goes through my mind are do they have bed bugs, do they have a contagious disease that I can get, when is the last time they showered and many other such things... Most people are very nice though, but why do I have this attitude towards them? I am very displeased and ashamed with the attitude of my heart, it is not consistent with Jesus Christ. Others on the song tau will generally help each other get off and on, but I realized I didn't want to since I don't want to touch anyone that I don't have to. On the way back, a sweet family got on consisting of a toddler, mother and grandmother. They were very clearly poor. The little girls face and hair was dirty and her clothes didn't fit very well. They put the little girl on first and this time I helped. I picked her up and moved her to the other side of a large bag of rice. They sat across from me. I was sitting next to a Thai woman and her Russian boyfriend. They were coming to my area for vacation. I realized how the Thai woman looked at them, and it was a very similar attitude that I have and that made me very sad. I am supposed to be different. The little girl was very shy, whenever she looked at us and we made eye contact with her, she would turn away laughing. After a little while the song tau stopped and it was the most remote place on the rode. I was wondering why when the family got up to get out. I wondered where on earth could they possibly live?! There is nothing here! Then I saw a small path that led down a steep slope, that is where they were headed. My heart went out to them, I cannot imaging their living conditions. Then I thought, who comes here to evangelize? Who even knows it exists? I do not limit God, I don't know if there are any Christians there or not, or if people have not heard the gospel in Mae Sot, but they live in such a remote, obscure place. If I cannot show the love of God in my short interaction with them on the song tau, then what exposure do they get? Granted, this time I was fairly pleasant because all of this stuff was already going through my mind. I would really like to go and visit their village, but I don't know if it is even possible. I wouldn't even know where to stop on the road. That is in the Lord's hands. On this same car ride when we first left Mae Sot, a man got on. He was VERY thin, so thin I knew something had to be wrong. As you head out of the city, there are check points that the song tau is required to stop at, where the police check ID's. At the first check point, which is about 1/2 hour into the ride, the very thin man got up to get out. As soon as he stepped out of the truck, something hit the ground.... it was diarrhea. It was even running down his leg. We were all pretty much horrified. He was walking away, clearly looking for a bathroom, but what were my thoughts? Oh man, it's on his pants and he is gonna get back in here. I won't be able to handle that smell, it's gonna make me sick, I'm glad he is not sitting next to me (he was sitting next to Doris) and many more selfish thoughts. What kind of embarrassment must he have been going through? How sick must he have been that he couldn't hold it until he got into a bathroom? Everyone saw it, all of us on the song tau and the police at the check point. He couldn't even find the bathroom immediately and no one was really directing him. The police told the driver and he came to the back to make sure it wasn't in the truck. He spoke with the officer and ascertained that the very thin man used to be a police officer, but he has AIDS now and no longer works, that is why he is so thin. The driver got back in and we pulled off leaving him there at the checkpoint. What should my attitude have been? How would I have treated him if he did get back on? Should I have insisted that we wait for him (he is not stranded there, song taus come through regularly)?

Also, while in Mae Sot, I was walking back to my guest house, when I saw a boy of about 12 years of age, digging through the garbage. I just looked and passed on. The thought in my mind was, sure I can give him money or buy him food now, but what about later? How would that really help him? Then later that night, Doris and I were riding our bikes through the Burmese street market as it was closing. Again, I saw several people digging through the garbage shamelessly. They were pulling out food and anything else that could be useful. I was saddened because I thought to myself, how can I just pass these people by and not do something for them? But what can I do for them? I can't share the gospel, we don't speak the same language. But could I have shown it to them? Why do I limit God? My one act of kindness may not change their circumstance forever, but I do not know what it will speak to them without words.
I do not feel condemned, but sad about the condition of my heart. I am glad that I see it and I hope that this revelation will turn to some form of action. It is overwhelming when you see so much, but that should not cause me to shut down and do nothing. The Lord said, "For I was hungry, and you gave me food; I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you took Me in; I was naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me. Then the righteous shall answer Him, saying, Lord, when did we see You hungry, and fed You? Or thirsty, and gave You drink? When did we see You a stranger, and took You in? Or naked, and clothed You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and came to You? And the King shall answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brothers, you have done it to Me. (Matthew 25:35-40) I emphasize the word one, because that is all it takes. The though should not be,  "I cannot help everybody, so I will not help anybody", but should be, "I know I cannot help everybody, but I am willing to help anybody that I can."